Into a Wall

Back on the edge of my childhood, cotton candy and sharp toys
A bit bolder than girls my age, a bit colder than boys
Building tree houses and cardboard spaceships, that’s all I was good at
I played ball and I played rough, never afraid to fall flat

I owned more plastic guns than dolls and teddy bears
Learned that you don’t always win every game fair and square
No matter how hard I tried to avoid these kids’ fights
Sometimes I had to use my fists, sometimes I had to hit them back

‘Cause I grew up with boys, and I don’t know the protocol
When it comes to feelings, every time I seem to run into a wall

By the end of the day, I came home with bruises on my knees
The red marks on my skin felt like war injuries
There was no room for sentimentalism, no time for hugs
I held my head high and swept the sweet side under the rug

But I wasn’t always that brave, I wasn’t one of them
Never became strong enough to really take the helm
I was that girl who swallowed her pride on the safe track
Sometimes I had to clench my fists, sometimes I had to turn my back

‘Cause I grew up with boys, and I don’t know the protocol
When it comes to feelings, every time I seem to run into a wall

Back from the edge of my childhood with an empty notebook in hand
A bit stronger than girls my age, a bit softer than men
Dreaming of tree houses and cardboard spaceships, that’s all I’m good at
Slowly I’m opening my fists, slowly I’m exposing my heart

But I grew up with boys, and I don’t know the protocol
When it comes to feelings, every time I seem to run into a wall

When it comes to feelings, every time I seem to run into a wall

 © Emilie